just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize