meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
