That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
