Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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