watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
