Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize