I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
