i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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