he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
