I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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