yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This house was built for laser tag.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
