My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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