Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There r osticjed everywhere
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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