Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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