The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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