dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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