How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
