I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
