what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
