Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
