It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
