Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
