Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
