**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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