i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
