Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
