If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
