she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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