If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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