I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
