you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm both gender and math confused
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
