This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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