Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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