my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
