I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just high enough for therapy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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