3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
