Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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