Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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