I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
zippers are such a cool invention
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
