i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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