dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
