just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
