shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
