How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
