my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
