how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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