is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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