Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
