It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
