Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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