All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The power of my boobs compel you
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
