He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
