She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
