I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
