a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
