My cat gives me a boner
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
