i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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