I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
