He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
