I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
