Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
