The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
