Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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