two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
