Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
