He felt like a one man threesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
