I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
