this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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