I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize