Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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