you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
