just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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