how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
