i may or may not be watching the land before time
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
